the end of an error

sometimes I feel like my life is an afterthought. that my entire existence was a pure mess up, completely rearranged to try to make at least a little sense. it explains why every part of my life seems so piled together.

I get mad at God. I feel like He took away what should have been mine. He kept a normal college career from me, and because of it I have a hard time relating to others. I think I'll never get married because I didn't go to college (and apparently failed algebra because that mathematical equation doesn't make sense... I know).

I have a hard time creating direction in my life because I expect Him at any moment to change it to what He wants. I guess that's what happens when he's turned your whole life upside down once before.

And now I'm graduating. And its the end of the error, the mess-up I think I was brought into.

I know it isn't true. Wonderful, beautiful, magnificent things came from it all. But like a normal person, instead of focusing on those things and anticipating the goodness He has for the future, I think about what I believe He's withholding from me.

now is the time that i am supposed to come up with an awe-inspiring and thought provoking ending but I don't have one. God does though.

[abram and me at the beach recently]

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