i walked outside to get my mail. 

my 70-something-year-old neighbor flagged me down, asking me questions and pretending she couldn't hear me so that I would have to walk across the street and talk to her. 

[i promise, she does this. it's fake, i know it. I know she can hear me, i've caught her]

this time, after she went through the same 4 stories she always tells me, she also told me about how her ex-husband, whom she lives with and her ex-sister-in-law, who also lives with her (and yes, she refers to her as "my ex-sister-in-law") were laughing around the breakfast table because Miss Audrey fell off her toilet this morning.

She was wearing a bathing suit trying to go to the bathroom. As girls, you know how difficult this can be, and then she sat down on the toilet, and you know how slippery those silky suits are, and she just fell off. 

While trying to fix her hair, because she has a mirror directly facing her toilet, just for that reason. And she brought the mirror crashing down with her. 

So there she laid, on the floor, in a bathing suit, her hair awry, shards of mirror glass all around her, her dogs rushing to her side- licking her face trying to help, all to call out to her ex-husband of several decades to come pick her up off the ground. 

And I thought I had a bad day? 

{Also, Miss Audrey and I reached a new level of friendship with this descriptive story. I don't know how to feel about it]


  1. hahahahahahahahaha! Great story. Oh, Ms. Audrey, you and your antics.

  2. Awesome! I have a neighbor who is 800 years old, and he is a hoarder....and he likes to feed my yellow lab marshmallows. I can hear those marshmallows crunching from my back door. They must be 800 years old too.