I'm an idiot

This post consists of multiple reasons that my brain is slowly deteriorating, and its only moments until i utterly lose all capability to function normally in day to day life. for those of you crossing your fingers that this happens for sheer comedic relief, i'm watching you.

INCIDENT 1: occurred while I was meeting a new couple that I was tag-team babysitting for with a friend. The mom had made these ridiculously delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (oatmeal haterz step off) and was explaining to us that whenever she has a babysitter over she feels that it is important to also have something homemade waiting for them. To which i retorted, "the kids don't count?"Nice first impression.

INCIDENT 2: happened at church whenever a girl came up to say hello to me as we were all walking to our individual sunday school class. she asked why I have been attending the young marrieds class (when I'm so obviously not) instead of the singles class with her. This time I said "because I like going with my friends". She's probably never going to talk to me again because without realizing it at the time, I pretty much told her that I think of blades of grass more often than I think of her. Awesome.

INCIDENT 3: was the result of an obviously stellar weekend of idiotry. We went to lunch after church to celebrate a little ones birthday, we= me and 30 other church members. While the waiter is coming over to take our orders he also is asking who else will be on our ticket. When he gets to me I'm completely not paying attention, shocking right? he did have a hispanic accent. So he repeats the question and asks "anyone else on your ticket?"and I say "nope. alone. all by myself. single. just me." one might think saying this is enough, so of course i trumped you and basically screamed it at him. why? i don't know why, I guess sometimes I think it helps to talk louder to people who speak English as a second language.

INCIDENT 4: these are my monday mantras because i apparently don't know the difference between monday and almost thursday. take it or leave it folks.



  1. Hahahaha I think these are hilarious :) You aren't losing brain function, promise.

  2. It's funny how many of these I was present for! Maybe I'm your problem!?

  3. oh gosh, kelly... STORY OF MY LIFE! hahahaha :)