raindrops keep POUNDING on my head.

So, for the past two weeks, my doctor has brought me down on my anxiety medication. it's a medication that she added to the mix along with my general OCD meds when I started cognitive therapy. And I didn't realize how much I loved it until this week. 

The antianxiety medication has a really long half life, so its effects take longer to sink in then my OCD medication, which means they take longer to wear off too. So this week, week 2 of the undertaking, has been killer. I've had problems controlling my thoughts, but still have a good grasp on my actions. Which is good, and mostly what my OCD medication does anyway. And from what I've written down, my thought problems only occur when my anxiety is high, or when something stressful happens, or of course.... when I get sick. The ultimate OCD nightmare. Germs. 

So, I've been trying to deal with all the stressors of coming down on the medicine, because I know I can do it. I am not captive to this illness, and the answer is not found in medication anyways, its found in Jesus. But its difficult to do when I give so much everyday to what I can possibly do. Call me OCD, but I never do things halfway. So with my schoolwork and my nanny jobs, I try to do the ultimate in everything. It's not for praise or for more self esteem, its just my nature. I want to cater to people, and I like it. 

But catering and healing are hard to juggle. Along with feeling like a loner too. I don't have many friends here at all, and when I say friends I don't mean countable friends. Countable friends are family members, work employees, bosses, and etc. So after you take out everyone in my life, that generally leaves me with no one, because believe it or not, my therapist really doesn't want to hang out with me? I know, shocking. 

So, I'm just tired and being a whiny pants.

 And yesterday some roofing company called my cellular for a follow up to an inquiry that I had made, which of course I hadn't really made. Their response to that I hadn't asked for any information lead them to ask me, 
"Well, was it maybe your husband?"
Me: "No, I don't have a husband. I am not married"
Them: "Oh, you don't? I am really sorry." 
Me: "Thank you" (? maybe?) 
Them: "And thank you for your time."

3 comments:

  1. Me too. I am semi-obsessed with you. I think you are precious. And, I am so proud of what you are accomplishing this week. Let me know if you need anything.

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  2. You are so so great, friend. I am really hoping the week has gotten a little less pounding.

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