talk is cheap.

Today begins a new week. 

Online school starts tomorrow, my first day with Zoey while Ashley is actually teaching begins tomorrow. My life doing school at home starts tomorrow. 

I'm feeling a little anxious, but I know that God does not give me anything I cannot handle. 

Here's what's rattling my brain so much though. And basically the rest of this is me just ranting. 
I told the newly acquired youth minister at my family's church that I would really like to be a Sunday School Teacher, they are in desperate need of workers, and I have been desperately seeking a place to belong. I felt God tugging on my heart to look into this over the past school year while I was a volunteer in the Seniors class. The new YM said that would be great if I could do that. He told my mother that he would be emailing me shortly about it. Well, unfortunately he never did. So I took it upon myself to email him. nothing conquered, nothing gained. So I did, and he wrote back that he really appreciated my willingness to serve, but the he does not allow college students to teach Sunday School. 

And here comes the ranting. What if I weren't in college. What if I was married. What if I had a full time working job.(which I pretty much do).  What if I was 28 and in college? What if you don't have all the help you need ( which you don't) and I am a willing person to fulfill the spot. What ever happened to just being able to share the gospel, and teach others, and invest in them daily? Why are there rules? My heart is broken. 

He said something about that it was an unfortunate rule he made, but he sticks to it even when there are more than capable teachers, like myself. So to me, I already came up with a grand new scheme that he should use in order to fill the teaching positions. I think that possible teachers should have to fill out a form and answer questions. And then I think that he should decided if and where to place them, according to their thoughts, desires, feelings, and answers. That way he could give the opportunity to 'college students' that could handle it. 

So today, I cried in the bathroom at church. It was so sitcom tv of me. I couldn't handle being on the third floor and not having a place to belong. I went into the girls bathroom sat in a stall and just cried. I eventually was pushed into the 'college room' by my mother, but there was only one other person in there. And I just know I don't belong there. 

I want to invest and teach a group of girls, and show them what being a Christian woman really means. I don't want them to all have their friends mom's as teachers. I want them to see that people other than parents care about them, and want to be around them, and want to know about them and pray with and for them. I wanted to be able to do that. I wanted to show the girls that nothing and no one is perfect, heck... no one can even relate to perfect. And the Christian walk is nothing without times of failure and falling down. 

Needless to say, I'm not sure what to do. I may be looking for a new church now. If I can't teach and feed others, than I'm going to have to find a place where I at least can be fed the Gospel. And it breaks my heart. 

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