especially when its the computer. and i can't yell at it, or make it feel bad, or have it apologize to me. i just have to sit with this anger until it goes away.
ocd spectrum: things are going well. i even cancelled my appointment tomorrow because i'm going to make them every three weeks. which is sort of like once a month, but not really. i went on my first drive long distance alone, an hour and a half to visit a friend and spend the night at her house. it went really well surprisingly, and i encourage everyone to go see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, because its great. and if you don't go see it, at least invest in the literature, because all 4 books really are great. plus Amber Tamblyn is hysterical as Tibby.
On my way home today, i even decided to branch out and stop at a walmart on my way home, because the internet had told me that they had an iPod accessory that I have been searching for. well, 2 hours and three walmarts later, this accessory was nowhere to be found. seriously. nowhere. so i settled for a more expensive version. and had a minor meltdown in the car. i had been on the phone with my mother twenty times: all of which ended with me grunting, yelling, or just hanging up. i know, mature. so then on the way home i called and apologized. and cried, because as much as ocd controls your mind, it really controls your emotions and reactions as well. and i couldn't even stand the way i had treated my family when they were trying to help me, but i was having such a hard time being in an unfamiliar place alone. luckily, they were understanding. once i finally arrived home though, i still wasn't completely over the lying computer, so i changed quickly into my pj's and washed my hands super well, and then took a well deserved nap. i think i'm over it now.
my schedule has already quickly begun to fill up with jobs and babysitting, as well as my nannying jobs. sometimes when i'm bored, i open up my calendar and look at all the times i have scheduled and just smile and revel in my accomplishment with overcoming problems.
i'm so anxious for my online classes and my nannying to start. God is so good, even in times of struggles.