You are Holy.

What makes a bitter soul? Grumpy-ness? Too much time passing without being in the Word? Lack of being aware of your true purpose? Trying to solve your own problems? Holding grudges? A combination of all of the above? 

I know that there will be days when this life brings me pain, but I'll do whatever it takes to Praise You. 

You might remember me inscribing that verse in my last post. And oh how convicted I feel about that all the time. I truly, deeply, want to feel that. I want to feel completely open and vulnerable to let God use me in any way He can. Sometimes, it just hurts too much and I give up. I hold something to me, try to do something my own way, whine about my circumstances. But the truth is, we only get this one life. 

We only get this one chance to live for Him. We only get this one chance to forgive. We only get this one chance to love, no matter what. We only get this one chance to say we're sorry, when we mess up. 

I hurt a friend's feelings recently. Sometimes, don't you just feel like that is inevitable? I do. Anyways, I know that I hurt her, and I have apologized. But I am still cringing at the thought of how some words that she said about me seem to not stop stinging. As well as the fact that she has not forgiven me. There is only so much I can give to say I'm sorry, without pushing the limits. But here's something to chew on, if Jesus just dropped his friends after they screwed up and He never forgave him (well first of all, then he wouldn't have been our perfect Savior and Salvation) but second of all, he would have had NO disciples. 

Everybody messes up, everybody makes mistakes, but not everyone recognizes them. I recognize mine, but I am still burdened with this waiting time. 

I wish the world was perfect like Walgreens, and everyone said they were sorry and everyone forgave each other. because this life is too short to miss out on anything because of a screw up. 

*** There's this fly that's buzzing around me while i type, and I'm really trying to have a thankful attitude about life and he's acting as a big fat hindrance on that. 

1 comment:

  1. amen. i recently started reading your blog and i haven't been able to quit. i'm kind of bummed that i'm almost caught up and will just have to wait for new posts now.

    anyway.. just wanted to let you know that just about every single one of your posts has resonated with me. the joys, the frustrations, the sorrows... i may not have OCD (then again, maybe i do and don't know it :)), but i feel many of the things you have described throughout the months. thank you for sharing all you have. it's encouraging to see how Father has healed you since your beginning posts to now. gives me hope that i'll not always feel so... blah. thanks and thanks again.