It was only a few months ago, that my mom had to drive me back to school to get all of my belongings, and I had to have her hold my hands and guide me through the school campus, because I couldn’t look at it. I was covering my face with my hands. And wiping the tears at the same time. It was all a nightmare. Every single thing that I saw sparked an irrational fear or worry, and made me feel sick inside.
It was just a few months ago that I had to bring all my friends in my dorm room and explain to them that I was leaving school because of a sickness that they could hardly understand.
It was just a few months ago, that I started taking medication and seeing regular therapist, things that I never thought that I would ever ever ever have to do.
It was just a few months ago that I had to wake up every single morning at 6 am, because I was afraid to be alone so I had to go with my mother to take everyone to school. Every single morning.
It was just a few months ago, that my sister had to go with me into public bathrooms.
It was just a few months ago that when I took a shower, that someone had to sit outside of the door, the entire time.
It was just a few months ago that I had to shut my door every single night and keep multiple large clanky necklaces on the handle because that was the only way I could fall asleep knowing that my family would be well aware of when I woke up by the noise I created with my door.
It was only a few months ago that every single time I was in worship at church I burst into sobbing. Not just crying, sobbing. My entire family would stand in our pew and hold hands through the entire portion of the service.
It was just a few months ago that I refused to drive a car. And if I did, whoever was in the car with me had to be aware of everything that was happening, and had to answer every question I asked about trash in the middle of the road.
It was just a few months ago that my life was spiraling completely out of my control, and I was certain that my life, was completely and utterly over.
unfortunately the advice she gives, isn't really advice at all. seeing as she really is a cognitive behavioral therapist and not a relational counselor. as well as the little advice that she has given, can be summarized in 'just tell them how you feel' and we all know how great that turns out.
so, thank you for your concern, and although i made a joke about laura's inability to be able to understand the male species, she really can't help me. plus, even though i make it sound like a huge dilemma right now, i actually have other fish to fry during my 5o minute session with her.