sometimes i just don't know what to do. i have hardly any jobs, not to mention any prospects. i feel so handicapped as to the possibilities that could come my way. and emotionally, i just feel drained when i think about it. regardless, i know that i serve a Mighty God. I know that my Lord blesses those who live for Him, and who willingly give to Him. So i know to not be afraid. But it seems to not quite be the remedy for my ailing stomach and aching soul to want to wake up in the morning with a purpose. a mission. a responsibility. 

there's a person who has made a permanent imprint in my heart. I've been praying for years about this. I don't know what to do with him. I don't understand feelings of desire mixed with feelings of genuine care. but everytime i get the chance to converse with him, God always tugs at my heartstrings. So i've permanently decided to take a step and make a change for the best. i'm deciding to do the only thing i can do (well, other than the stay in bed watching chick-flicks and tossing popcorn at the screen whenever happy ending's ensue option, which is of course a NON-option). i'm going to pray for him. i'm going to encourage him and lift him up whenever the chance comes. I'm going to ask how i can pray for him and what i can do for him. Because God doesn't bring people into your life for no reason. God actually doesn't do anything for no reason. 

i'm just not sure where the line stands between genuine care and genuine crush. i don't know if i'll ever know. 

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