i lost one of my jobs cleaning a house, because of money issues.
i wrote many unresponded emails.
i spent most of my time alone today, while the rest of my family went shopping.
luckily, i am reminded that through the blood of Jesus Christ, i will never be defeated. and that's a real story to tell. not rambling about the lameness of my day, but the goodness in His grace. And also the awesomeness of my netflix movie arriving in the mail with just enough time for me to cozy into my bed and watch it blaringly loud before anyone arrived home. And the arrival of my Vera Bradley 40% off discontinued travel bag as well.
i went to the doctor today for my now monthly checkups. since january i have lost 6 pounds. most likely because of the medication. i finally got to see Jennifer again. I haven't seen her in 2 months because the last time i saw the 'real' doctor. the last time jennifer was with me, i had just started driving with someone and was freaking out about it. oh what a praise it was to hear myself telling her about how i can drive to places now and that i was about to embark on a first time journey of meeting someone in a public place. she smiled and laughed with me and hugged me, and looked me straight in the eye without any fear that what she was about to say may not be welcomed in a secular doctor's office. she said 'i can see it more and more, how much God is using this time to affect others. it's awesome Kelly. your face is filled with joy and hopefulness now, instead of despair and loneliness' that was when the hugging embarked. then she began to tell me that there was another patient that just started to see her that had similar conditions as mine. i was jennifer's first OCD patient, so she's really learned a lot with me and my therapist. so she is recommending my therapist for this patient, and i also told jennifer that she had my complete permission to give this patient my name or number if they ever wanted to talk or needed a friend, or someone whose brain also doesn't work the way it seems everyone else's does.
Then i kick-started the rest of the day with my first public outing, other than friends houses. i met leslie and emelia and brock at a restaurant. only i got there first. took a lot of deep breaths, and went into the restaurant alone. i walked to the greeting station and told them how many were in my party, and they led me to a table where i sat while i waited for my friends. and i survived.
Glory Jesus, thank you for being with me through this whole process. I would be nothing otherwise.