and so it goes

"So I would choose to be with you, that's if the choice were mine to make. 
But you can make decisions too, so you can have this heart to break."

i don't think i've ever had my heart broken. also i think it's weird that we as a society refer to emotional and romantic disturbia as 'heartache'. i like to just say my brainholes hurt. because i think brainholes are the innermost parts of ones emotions, cognitively controlled of course. i am a child of the cognitive behavior revolution, don't you forget. 

but what happens when your brainholes fill with tears of remorse and sadness when you're spending the night with little 7th grade Emelia and you're snuggled in bed together? crying really isn't an option, it's awkward, laughing it off worked for a second but not much longer. there's no room for explanation. so all that's really left is just hugs and smiles and jokes from her. she was really there for me. never have i experienced such companionship from an 11 year old. she even helped me decide to have my family, yes, the entire car load of them, come pick me up from her house late that night, after the rest of her family had been sound asleep for hours. of course as we were walking out the door i remember i had forgotten to move a  load of laundry. she was so snotty and quirky when she put her hand on her hip and said 'now is this really the time for laundry?'

then my family laid on my bed with me, all of us and listened to music. then it became 400 degrees and no one could stand it anymore. i went to sleep with a eye mask on and a relaxation CD. it was very interesting. it went through all the muscle relaxation business at the beginning and it really worked well. i woke up later with the eye mask strewn somewhere on the floor so obviously i wasn't too relaxed. but it was all for a good cause. 

what a whirlwind of a life i have. luckily a trip to see some long lost friends, a pair of $165 jeans and a very large diet dr. pepper can sometimes do the fix. at least for the moment. 

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